There seems to be a lot of stuff around about having a disclaimer for your blog.  I guess it’s just another sign of the society in which we live; all terrified of getting sued, or offending someone.  I think for most personal blogs it’s a bit over the top, but I’ve decided that I want one!  It’s lengthy as all good legal stuff should be, and please, don’t forget to read the small print.

So, here follows the disclaimer for Alcohol, Condiments and Cigarettes:

All opinions expressed are those of the author.  They do not necessarily represent those of their employer, friends, family, random people or God, unless otherwise stated.

The author does not intend to cause offence to anyone unintentionally.  If the author means to cause offence, this will be made clear.  (The author reserves the right to mildly annoy.)

Published comments from third parties do not necessarily represent the views of the author.  However, if comments are funny or show great skill, insight or general wisdom, then the author reserves the right to use those comments as they see fit.  (Though the author will provide a link and credit where appropriate – blogging etiquette and all that!)

Despite any claims to the contrary, the author is not an expert on any matter.  This includes, but is not limited to; life, love, fun, writing, music, shopping, health, fitness or safe consumption of alcohol.  If you require expert advice, then please leave the blog immediately and consult someone with either letters after their name, a shiny certificate or a lovely big office. 

The author reserves the right to claim that any illegal activities (perceived or otherwise) committed in the past, present or future, were in fact committed by a friend of a friend’s dog’s vet’s sister’s hairdresser’s mother-in-law (keep up!).  Who has now moved to a remote part of the world.  Where contact from outsiders is in fact illegal in itself.

Additionally, the author will not accept responsibility for any of the following, though this list is not exhaustive:

  • Any blogs posted under the influence (BUI)
  • Any negative experiences from following the author’s example.  You do this at your own risk.  Please remember that the author is highly experienced at fucking up.  (However, if you do follow the author’s example and something fantastic happens, then the author would appreciate full credit!)
  • Any offence caused by the author’s language, spelling or grammar.
  • The reader not finding the contents humorous.  If this happens, please consult with a medical doctor immediately, a virus may have entered your sense of humour.
  • Any illnesses, defects or physical/emotional changes caused by reading the blog.  This includes, but is not limited to; eye strain, weird stuff caused by spending too much time near the odd technology rays emitting from the screen or increased arse size from reading the blog rather than doing something useful and/or active.

Finally, the author reserves the right to claim that every word written is a lie.  Especially if this disclaimer is not legally biding and the author suddenly finds themselves in court.

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